It is Time

Shed Your Masks and Managers

Photo by kazuend on Unsplash

There is an appointed time for everything,

and a time for every affair under the heavens.

A time to give birth, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.

… a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit have workers from their toil?

I have seen the business that God has given to mortals to be busied about.

God has made everything appropriate to its time, but has put the timeless into their hearts so they cannot find out, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.

I recognized that there is nothing better than to rejoice and to do well during life.

Moreover, that all can eat and drink and enjoy the good of all their toil—this is a gift of God.

I recognized that whatever God does will endure forever; there is no adding to it, or taking from it. Thus has God done that he may be revered.

— Ecclesiastes 3

---

Yes, there is a time for everything, and everything is God’s work. Our own time is particularly significant. I think it is a time when we need to shift our paradigms from what we were taught by the generations before us (I am saying this as a Millennial, which I would call the in-between generation). In the time of our parents and grandparents, many were taught that if only we work hard enough, we can make our lives great, we can rise to the top, and that is what is most to be wished for: being comfortable and achieving financial security. I don’t want to fall into clichés, but Harry Potter’s aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon come to mind. I think we all know that kind of mentality where newly gained social status is anxiously guarded. I think that the Flemish (Northern Belgian) and American mentalities can be slightly similar, as we used to be poor but were known to be hard workers, and consequently became one of Europe’s more prosperous regions.

Unfortunately, this mentality has taught us things that do not seem to “work” any longer for the current generations. It seems that many are beginning to realise that our happiness does not depend on toiling away and gaining money. I am not saying that it is wrong to work - on the contrary. But I am saying that we are no longer able to “enjoy the good of all our toil”, either as a “gift of God”, as Ecclesiastes says, or as a gift to ourselves, as our parents have taught us. We toil and are overwhelmed by our labour. We are told that we should be productive, but we hardly manage to produce any fruit. Nicholas Kotar has written an interesting series of articles in which he addresses the problem with self-help literature that promises to make us more creative. He does advocate for an alternative kind of self-help, but one in which the entire person is integrated, including the spiritual dimension of our lives, something that our society in general still fails to do.

For those who are acquainted with IFS (Internal Family Systems): it occurred to me that there is a strong link between the personal psychological level of the “Managers” and the broader sociological level at which these dynamics manifest themselves in society. Because just as individuals develop protective strategies, cultures can develop collective habits of protection and control. I will not explain the entire IFS system, but if you want to know more about it, you can find more information here. In my opinion, our culture has been driven by Managers for far too long. This is reflected in our expectations, social norms, and even our institutions. The younger generations are feeling the consequences of this more and more. This corresponds to the situation in which a person is overrun by his or her internal Managers and Firefighters, who have been trying to save and protect the inner wounded child, to the point of becoming dysfunctional.

Perhaps, then, the reason why the writing advice described by Nicholas Kotar does not work, is not just because it is only on the level of the mind -as he explains-, but also because it stays on the Manager level: the voices in our heads that are active out of fear of our woundedness. They can sound something like this: Oh no, I’m not writing again, this isn’t good, I should have written at least 500 words today! I really have to post something on Substack again, my number of subscribers isn’t growing fast enough. I really need to do something about my weight, I’ve gained three pounds this month. Look at that person, he/she is so much more competent and professional. Perhaps I should try to do the same. I really should make an effort to work on my grammar and style. etc.

The motivation is often negative because the Manager is especially activated when the wounded inner child is threatened. For instance, my wounded part is afraid to fail because when I was young, I received harsh criticism when I did something wrong. Thus I have developed a Manager that tells me to avoid failing so that this doesn’t happen again. It’s a protective system, built to help us. But we can never help or save ourselves like this. On the contrary, it can become paralysing and stifle creativity altogether.

So, chances are that when we read another article or watch another video with the newest tips and tricks for becoming more productive, it comes from this inner manager who tries to keep everything under control. When this approach fails, then, it is the firefighter who becomes active: the one who will react very powerfully to situations that no longer feel under our control. It might manifest itself in getting extremely angry, taking it out on someone else, or grabbing a bag of crisps and binge- watching a series because everything seems lost anyway. That is where we realise that our little tips and tricks perhaps aren’t sufficient. That is also where we realise, on the macro level, that society can no longer run on outward Manager voices telling us that we should work harder or do something useful. It is simply not the right approach.

What, then, comes instead? What can save us when everything else fails? It can actually be the moment when we break, fall on our knees and ask God for help. It is the moment we let our Managers and our masks fall and dare to look at that wounded child inside, and let the light shine on it. I am saying this because I experienced it myself. The most important moments in my life were the ones where everything else failed me and I turned to God and poured my heart out to Him. I believe that this is what is slowly beginning to happen among the younger generations, and it is the best thing that could happen. Because the Lord never abandons us. He is our good Father, waiting until we open our hearts so that He can come in and heal us.

There is one problem though: those Manager voices are very, very powerful. It is very likely that they will want to take back control once the storm has calmed a little. On a psychological level, the best answer is to accept them. In IFS, it is taught that it is important not to repress the different “parts”, but to welcome them. The Self can lead and guide the parts, taking away the tension by letting every part be themselves.

To arrive at that point of acceptance, we need to learn something, and for that I return to Ecclesiastes: there is a time for everything, both on the personal and the societal level. If we want to follow God’s time and thus His will, which, after all, is the only thing that really counts in this life, we have to internalise this. It’s okay if we’re not productive all the time. It’s okay to go through a period in life where you need to let go of what you have been doing and give yourself time to rest and heal. Actually, it is not okay. It is necessary. It is necessary if you truly want to live. It is necessary if you truly want to know God. After all, we’ve been made to rest in God.

Normally, in a functioning society, this is part of the weekly and yearly rhythm. But in a society where this has been forgotten, a longer break is necessary at some point. How long? In our current time, I would say, until the masks are truly down. Until we have learned how to be real, honest and vulnerable, and trust that God is in control: of time, of our healing process, and of our creativity. This may sound like something horrible or impossible. It is not, however. Because God is good, and going through that process is an experience of more and more joy, freedom and inner peace. It is the source of our true life and the journey to our real self, held in God’s hands. Once we let ourselves be healed, once we are honest with ourselves and work from there, our work can really bear fruit and we can reconstruct a community on strong foundations, bubbling with creativity. Then a new era will begin, where the Lamb is King and watches over us with gentle love.

---

My daughter,

I relish in you, yes! I relish in you,

when you let down your guards,

when you let Me in

and share your deepest hurts with Me,

when you come to Me as you are.

Because you are beautiful, my beloved.